You are going to marry the man, you will be related to his family… love them.
Spend some time with his mother and dad and her mother and dad. Even if they’re separated, spend time with them, because you’re going to have to relate to these people. It’s either going to be a good relationship or not, but you do have to relate to them.
Here are two points. You need to see how they relate to each other. What is their relationship like? That’s the model that this person you’re dating and you’re planning to marry-That’s the model they had; and they’re likely to duplicate that.
Recognize that if there are certain things about your in-laws you don’t like before you get married, they’re not going to go away after you get married. How are you going to handle that? How are you going to try to build bridges? Learn to talk with them sensibly and build some kind of relationship with them, because you are marrying into a family.
It’s good to know something about that family before you get married.
You are going to have to eat your words sometimes. Make them sweet… or both of you will suffer.
There is no such thing as a trial run for marriage (living together is not at all the same thing…) but DO: Spend time together in different circumstances, with family, children, old people. See how he treats people that are different, or have special needs. Is he compassionate, patient? Are you?
Little things do matter- be kind and thoughtful
Selflessness can lead to happiness. Marriage is not 50/50. It is more like 99.9/99.9
Learn his love language – communicate caring in a way he understands. When he tries to reciprocate, but it isn’t what really knocks your socks off- tell him what you do like! (service, touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts)
Be confident in who you are… make choices that lead where you want to end up, don’t rely on luck or love to solve all your problems. Continue to be yourself after marriage, if he wanted to marry himself he wouldn’t have asked you!
Make decisions for you. I let my parents plan my wedding reception, and none of it was what I would have chosen, but what they wanted… Remember that some things just don’t matter. Really.
After marriage – do not make commitments for your partner without talking to them.
It’s normal to need a little space or alone time, honor each other’s needs. (This is not permission to go on long girls only or boys only excursions, just an understanding that you don’t need to be physically joined at all times.)
Life gets messy- be there for your sweetheart when the storms come – sickness, unemployment, tragedy…
Have a sense of humor- it is so much more fun to laugh than to cry. And sometimes it’s a choice of either/ or, so laugh when you can.
Forgive early, easily and often. Apologize quickly if you mess up.
Do not expect movie fireworks every time you kiss or judge your marriage or your partner by anyone but himself… he is not a fictional character, or a movie star- but he loves you.
Be kind, listen, show interest in what your partner says,
Should one give dreams up for the other? What choice is best for the family as a unit? If you both want degrees, and careers: what then? I have known couples where the wife worked to put the husband through school and resented that she never got the same opportunity.
Marriages that last = tell the truth, listen and nurture each other, Compromise
Talk about expectations early in a relationship- not the week of the wedding
Topics to think about and discuss before marriage:
Money and debt – Do you have a set amount (that neither of you will spend more than that amount without talking to your spouse first)? Do either of you already have debts?
What are your hopes and dreams for your marriage? Your partner’s?
How do you spend your time? – prioritize things:
personal hygiene and prep., reading, prep, meals and cleanup, spiritual prep, cleaning-housekeeping, talking to friends and relatives, sleeping, computer time, TV time, exercise, sports, video games, what is important to you almost daily?
What entertains you? “I enjoy—“
My ideal home would —-
Politically I feel—
I hate to talk about—
I think chores should be divided —-
Shopping, preparing meals, cleaning house, repairing things, decorating the house, plumbing, floors and windows, taking out the trash, baby care, diaper duty, putting kids to bed, cleaning bathrooms, planning vacations, maintenance on cars, balancing accounts, long term investments, buying Christmas and birthday gifts.
Prioritize practices and habits:
Privacy, appreciation, affection, education, date nights, personal and family prayer, scripture study, family home time, Good health practices, Church attendance, and service, communication, punctuality, responsibility, control, family vacations, family reunions, living in a certain community or state, work, temple attendance.
What is your ideal family like? How many children? When?
What is your philosophy of raising children?
How will you resolve conflict? “When I get angry or upset I —“
What do you think is worth fighting about or for?
momologger 